Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
