HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
