I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
