I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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