you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
