I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
