I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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