the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
