I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
