You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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