That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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