My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize