I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
