I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
