hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
