I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
