should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize