Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
