all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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