walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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