moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
