and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
