garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
