We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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