he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
