he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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