I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize