I think im going to throw up on grandma
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Small penises have feelings too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
