allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just cut my nipple shaving
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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