Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
