I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
