im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
