I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is Oprah even human
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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