That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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