Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
