ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you win again, gameday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize