Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
