just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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