WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
smell my finger.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
