Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
