Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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