the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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