So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
