grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
