STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize