And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
