I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
