dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
