Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
