idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
