A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
