I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
