I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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