he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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