Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
