hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
