he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
