ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
