Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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