You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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