Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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