Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
