God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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