It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
