I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
