Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
