i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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