found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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