I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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