My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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