Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
