Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
