If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize