How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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