Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize