i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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