were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
