then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
