Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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