Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
